people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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