Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
