Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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