thus making me awesome and them whores
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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