i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
