She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
