do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
