sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
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