Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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