My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
