I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
