ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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