This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
