Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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