We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's official drugs can't kill me
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
