We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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