I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You ruined the universe
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
