You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
