Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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