Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
