Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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