and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize