But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
