you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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