my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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