I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize