an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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