would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
