I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
