I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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