dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
