She just used a chaser for red wine.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
