Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
