We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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