I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
