She said her name was "party"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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