Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
