he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
