he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
