Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
