he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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