Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
