Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize