I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
