Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
