just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
