im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
