What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
