I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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