Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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