Cold hands, warm shart.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
