i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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