when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
