Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
