HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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