You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
