my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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