i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
