My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Randomize
