Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
