In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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