You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
