Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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