I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
