i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
