don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
