I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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