Pappa wants mamma naked
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
