Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
