yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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