when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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