forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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