I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
