hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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