benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
