This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
