I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
