What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
