So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
